Ceiling Fan Installation
For all the projects that I do, I must admit that I am not a fan of your traditional "home improvement" projects. Mainly because they always seem to end up involving plumbing, painting, and cuss words. But once in a while, I forget the past, and make another attempt at improving life around the house.
In this case, it was a ceiling fan. Ceiling fans would be nicer if they ran on batteries, but they don't, so it means busting drywall, running wires, patching holes, and painting. And that's what I did.
I started in the traditional nerdly engineer fashion: I used my stud finder to make a map of all the studs in the area. The plan was to figure out the best way to get power up there. To me, "best way" means the minimum number of holes in drywall, with a corresponding minimum amount of patching & painting. I decided that the best route was across the ceiling to the wall, then down the wall to a new switch box, and then down to the floor level where I could steal power from an outlet circuit.
My secret weapon in this endeavor was my fine mega drill bit, the cable installer's friend: a 54-inch long piece of tool steel just itching to be used for the very purpose of saving me from knocking holes in the ceiling drywall all the way across to the wall and then having to patch and paint them.
The theory behind these drill bits is that the auger screw on the very tip pulls the bit through at at the proper rate as you go through stud after stud, effortlessly heading towards your destination. If you look carefully, you can see tiny holes in the bit near the back end and the tip. Once the hole is made, you can tie a fish to the hole, and then pull the fish back through the series of holes as you remove the bit. Then, you tie the wiring to the fish, and use the fish to pull the wires back the other way. Simple, eh?
Well, that's the theory at least, and that should be quite enough foreshadowing for now.
So I bust a ceremonial hole where the fan will hang, and get started. The first stud goes OK, but the drill motor is laboring. The second stud is a tougher go. The drill barely makes it through. The third stud is just as bad, but for some reason, it seems to be taking even longer than it should as the drill goes slower, slower, and then stops dead. No worries, just put it in reverse and back it out.
No luck. The drill bit is wedged.
At this point, I should come clean and mention that this is not the first time this bit has wedged on me. While attempting to run some CAT-5 cable up to the computer, I wedged the bit inside the wall as I was going from the garage ceiling up into the computer room. In this case, I ended up going upstairs and dead-reckoning where the tip should probably be. I knocked a hole in the drywall (dang it), and to my immense good fortune, saw the tiniest bit of the tip of the auger sticking from the floor plate stud. I used a chisel to remove enough wood to relieve pressure on the bit, and was able to get it free. So why would I tempt fate again? Don't ask me.
But here we are, and the drill bit is stuck again, this time about 12 feet off the floor.
The first step is to try the drill again. The drill protests by spewing smoke. My eyes water. This is going to call for a bigger drill. So the next day, I make the 1 hour round trip down to get one. It is a really nice Milwaukee with a keyless chuck. The only problem is that when I get home, I find that the keyless chuck has about 1/8 of an inch of run-out. Oh well, I can return it tomorrow. For now, all that matters is that its 7 Amps of gear-reduced, wrist shattering power can get the drill bit out of the stud.
I go up the ladder, attach it to the end of the bit, and let it rip. Let me tell you, that is one powerful drill: the speed at which my hand spins around and slams into the ceiling is extremely impressive. But the drill bit remains stuck, and my mood darkens.
At this point, I give up. I am done with this drill bit. I move the ladder, knock a hole in the ceiling, grab a Dremel tool with abrasive cutoff wheel, and move to cut the end off the drill bit. I abandon it to future generations, perhaps an archeologist who will gaze at the sight and ponder what words were used in its presence. As the sparks fly from the doomed bit, I notice that the roof joists ran side-by-side at this very spot, thus indicating that the bit got stuck because it was going through something twice as thick as normal.
And now that the fine long bit is dead (long live the much shorter spade drill bit) , I knock holes the rest of the way across, drill holes in studs, fish wires, hang fans, build patches, screw patches to the walls and ceilings with 23 screws, spackle, and prime.
Mary comes by and says, "Looks nice. Did you test the wiring before you patched everything?".
Of course not, what could go possibly wrong?
I put in the lamp dimmer, and the fan power switch. It's test time! The fan power works, the fan spins and blows drywall dust with efficiency and determination. I try the dimmer, which instantly explodes. A puff of smoke wafts out of the wall. Not as much smoke as the old drill, though.
I get out my meter and Ohm the wiring. There is a dead short. I mean, dead. I unwire the fan and its lamp connections, in case I messed that up. Nope, it's a dead short, and it's in the wiring.
I survey the situation:
- spackle
- patches
- 23 screws.
It's all coming out.
So one at a time, the screws come out, the patches come off, and the meter wails.
Dead short. And again dead short.
And finally (and I am not making this up!), I unscrew the very last screw from the last patch. As the screw comes out, the meter falls silent. I run it back in, and the meter beeps. Run it out, and the meter goes silent. I pull the last patch off the ceiling, and what do I see? Why yes, that would be end of the drill bit that I had to cut off. The double thick joists.
The patch that wouldn't even be there if the bit hadn't got stuck.
I must have been bad in a previous life.
I decide not to pull all the wiring, 1) because I remember that it was a colossal pain fishing the wire from the wall into the ceiling, and 2) because I don't have any more three-conductor-plus-ground wire. So instead, I probably break a few rules, slit the jacket, separate the wires, and then fill the voids with silicone RTV. I let it harden overnight and then wrap everything again with that self-sealing silicone tape. The patch goes back on, but this time I push the wires north and move the last screw an inch south.
The fan works now. In the summer, I sit under it and drink gin and tonic. Life is good again, but I think I need to work on my Karma.
Aug 2004 - Powell River, B.C.
It will be worth it in the end.
Wright Cyclone in full song.